Is oversharing a public stunt?

Sri City:

We have conversations, we communicate, share opinions, and express our thoughts; that's what makes us human, but is there a limit to this? Since a very young age, I have seen people overshare as a means to be a part of something or as a way to get close to someone, but why should one overshare to be accepted? Why is it about how much you share, and not about what you share with a person, group, or anyone, for that matter? We have created this norm, which I feel is an unnecessary pressure, especially from a college student's perspective. School to college is a huge jump, especially in a residential college, because everyone around you is from different places and different backgrounds. There is an urge to be accepted by all, and the most effortless way to do that is to “overshare,” I assume.

It would appear, in a residential college, that privacy is a fiction. We inhabit the same sorts of spaces, with flimsy walls, in which feelings are easily exchanged, and news travels faster than the wi-fi service. It is not done with malicious intent; it is just what being intimate looks like when you eat, sleep, study, and otherwise share life with the same group of people every day. Intimacy becomes a practice, and the line between the private and public begins to fade.

Oversharing appears to be a phenomenon of social media; however, to be frank, it's larger, quieter, and much more complex than that. In college, the reasons to belong, to be accepted into a social circle, to be seen and understood, are very real. Particularly during the first year when you are thrown into a world of unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar accents, unfamiliar habits, and homesickness, oversharing about yourself is usually the simplest way to get an introduction rolling. It often feels like a kind of hack to orient yourself amongst strangers that you will be in classes with, you will see them in the hallways, if you go for breakfast, you will see them there, and through your best day and worst day, you will likely see these strangers again. The fear of not being accepted is incredibly debilitating, and we feel that we must fill the awkward silence with storytelling, sometimes stories that are both unwarranted and, more precisely, stories that should go untold. However, sharing too much in college is a different ballgame. It is a different type of setting. In school, our world was more limited; friendships were formed around shared tiffins and on the playground, and even secret-keeping had borders. In college, privacy feels undefined. It's always a gray area to be familiar with someone versus being their friend. It's easy to know everything about a person without them ever saying anything to you. Gossiping about someone becomes another strange way to develop a connection, a social glue. It is too easy to confuse being open and being trustworthy. Or share a connection without still making a close bond. In instances, it isn't even intentional; we just conform to the culture of society around us, as people just talk and perform in their comfort zone, as they disclose.

Perhaps that's what it has turned into - a performance. Even our vulnerability feels curated now. We articulate our breakdowns like a well-rehearsed monologue, cover burnout with humor, and our stress in ways that look aware but not too messy. Relevantly oversharing just enough to relate but not quite to be considered fragile. It's like honesty itself has turned into content. There are some boundaries to oversharing - invisible but palpable. We know what part of ourselves to safely put out there and what to keep people from knowing about.

Sometimes, I wonder if it's a kind of competition - who could look the most "real"? Who can confess without being vulnerable? Who can turn their pain into a story that will get the most laughs, nods, or empathy? Maybe it is no longer just about comfort for oversharing; maybe it is more about control, control through influence on how others perceive us, and to feel more relevant in the grand story of college life/experience. We question how much more is too much, but we never actually refrain from oversharing.

However, I think oversharing doesn’t come from a bad place. In many ways, it is born out of care. We are all half-adults trying to make sense of ourselves in a world that is constantly demanding that we engage. It is really hard not to talk or feel, or share when there are hundreds of us living on top of each other. We spill our thoughts not because we are hysterical for attention, but because we still do not know how to carry them on our own. Oversharing is just a way of saying, “I’m trying,” or “I want to be understood." 

That, perhaps, is the real heart of it: we overshare because we are still trying to figure out what should be said, and what should be kept private; what deserves to be shared, and what not to share in a world that watches every single breath we take.